On Passing

23 Jul

On the morning of Memorial Day 2012 I was headed to my Father’s house for a visit. We had planned to see Star Trek, watch Arrested Development Season 4, and create some props and things for my next photos. By the time I arrived, my father had killed himself.

He was sick and he was tired, and he did not want to live any longer.

We had no “unfinished business”, “words unspoken” or “pent up anger” or anything that usually exists between parents and their children — which makes his death easier to bear.

He always supported me. He always supported my art. He never got to see me succeed, and he never will.

Essentially, I am an airplane that has lost one of its wings.

Now, as the executor of the estate I am stuck here working on closing accounts, selling all of my father’s earthly goods, the house, and paying bills with the help of whichever faithful friend I can summon to my aid.

I would like to thank my friends for their show of support. My friend Roman has come to help me run the estate for July, but I am worried that I will not be able to finish things alone when he leaves. I have only been allowed to grieve the way I need to by my friend Trevor, and I am worried that by the time my work here is done, and I am allowed to grieve, that everyone else’s sympathy will be spent, all their tears cried, and me left alone.

I have two Mozart Photos left to take to finish this project which my father supported, participated in and practically paid for. I hope that I can finish to honor his memory.

My most recent publication from Dark Beauty’s Steampunk Issue. My father created the ships fighting in the background. Costumes by Alisa Kester.


One Response to “On Passing”

  1. Andre Zollars July 23, 2013 at 10:38 pm #


    I want you to know I’m here and I’m not just saying it. I’m just a couple hours away and I’m willing to do whatever I can to help you get through this time without your good friends. And for what it’s worth, I’ve learned that success is too narrowly defined. Your father saw you practice an art you are clearly a master of and enjoy immensely. You have been published many times over. For many artists, that is more than they can ever hope to achieve. I believe that you were a success in his eyes because you practiced your passion. I know that you are in mine.

    I love you and you are not alone.

    Your cousin Andre

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